[ She does not. Not to drink, not to distract, but this is how she must hold herself together. Perfectly poised. Unaffected. Reserved. A painting of a woman upon a throne, and she must always remain so. ]
What does not? If I began with it all, I fear it should pour out of me, and then what will I be?
[ It was a sentiment he could understand. It felt as if bending would be the first step in breaking, that flinching for a moment meant everything would crumble away. ]
You can only be yourself. And you can only do as much as you can. We're mortal and fallible, despite ourselves. Would you think less of me if I spoke of such things to you?
Never, my lord, you must know how well I think of you.
[ How readily she had poured it from her lips, into his. How gladly and achingly she held him. He is the type of ruler she knows her mother wished for in her daughter. It was not fair, and she hoped only to learn to be a better ruler near to him, so when she returned, she could make right the wrongs she had done for being so weak. ]
I do not have the words for it.. Perhaps that is the fault too. We are taught never to express anything, you see? No happiness, no sorrow. To be as a cliff. So now... I never learned. Perhaps that is the problem too, I never learned to do much of many things that are expected of me. Not here, not at home, not even as a child.
You were like me. A little too unready for everything that fell on your shoulders.
[ And how overwhelming it had been. How certain he'd been that he would fail in all the ways that matter. He can see that same fear in her, of not measure up to the expectations thrust upon her, but the challenges here in the city are nowhere near what would have been expected at home.
Who would address a queen the way Tim Stoker had? ]
That isn't a failing. What we are now is not who we will always be. Life shapes us and changes us, and we learn and grow, even in the most difficult of situations. Simply because you do not know now all that you think you should doesn't mean you never will. And I expect we will learn things here that we might never have otherwise. There's no shame in that.
[ Expression earnest, he finally reaches for her, to clasp a hand gently against hers where it gripped her glass. ]
It's alright to be afraid, to be uncertain. What we must remember is that we are not alone. You are not alone.
I was not supposed to rule. But I was... my brother, the previous Second-Child... he... he did something. Something so severe, we call Treason. He had to be... I... I filled his place.
[ She stays fixed staring at Anduin's hand. It's safe, it is as he said, she is not alone. Jack promised that, Anduin promised that, Huaisang promised that. She was not alone, and they would forgive her, for her failings. Her mistakes as a woman and as a ruler. Perhaps if she did not look at them, if she focused on that point of contact, it would to be so much. She would not feel so loathsome. ]
I promise it is not that... that I think you... or that I am... [ Muddled. So hard to put together in a way that does not feel shameful. ] I am... forgive me, I am so unskilled at this. Speaking of myself.
[ There is a moment, where she looks up, up at him, his trusting features, the kindness in his eyes and his mouth and that way he...
She couldn't. The words would not come. Formed them, held them. She could just say it. Just one word. To say something, anything at all, to let it out of her chest. ]
I am... I am sorry, I cannot... It... it's too...
[ herself, these things she must keep as locked down as tightly as possible. Or nothing good would happen. Something terrible. Terrible as all the other choices in her life had been until she came to this place. ]
[ It takes her a second, pressing her teeth against themselves as hard as she could, centering herself on that ache. Her mother would be ashamed of her if she had any idea.
Not at all. I just wish there was more I could do.
[ His hands lower, offered palms up, for her to rest her own against. Then his eyes close, and he calls the words from his heart as a solemn prayer. Safeguard her against her doubts and fears, allow her to feel certain and sure in this troubled city.
That glow encircles him briefly, before passing through his fingers and into her in a warm, comforting wash. ]
[ Maybe it is just that this is how to happens every time they are near each other, how he so gladly and kindly gives his prayers for her. But there is a ... readiness for it. It should not, it was his prayers, but there feels some way, an intimacy.
Like he lingered on her, even after she was gone from his sight. That she perhaps, lingered with him too. ]
Thank you. It is more than you know, truly.
[ Her fingers are cool as ever, as she slides them against his palm. Trying not to think of the last time she was this close to him. He was behaving as the honourable man she knew him to be, and it would be to discredit him if she found herself lingering, on the shape of his mouth, and how it had felt, in those torrid hours, against hers.
That as the light touches her, she breathes a sigh of relief, it was wonderful. Everything about him always was, this least of all.
Her shoulders drop, rolling them as the knot that wound itself tightly come from.
At least, for a moment until the gesture pulled, and she hissed, her hand snapping up to her neck and shoulder. Gently pressing over it to ease the ache from the bite Dirk had left on her. ]
[ The moment she jerks away, his eyes flash open, and the Light fades around him as for a moment he wonders if perhaps he was the cause for that little hiss of pain.
But no. She's clutching at herself as if it's simply touched upon an already present hurt. Odd. It shouldn't have hurt her in that way, and his brow furrows slightly as his hands lower. ]
[ Realization flickers behind his eyes before they lower to where their hands had been joined, moments before. ]
If you would like me to heal it, I can. But I...I understand if you do not.
[ He bears his own mark, after all. One he could heal, but doesn't. Why goes beyond reason and sense, and so if she has her reasons he won't be the one to press for them. ]
[ She feels that flush creep up as she takes his meaning. Clearing her throat. As delicate as she could she shakes her head. ]
No it... Well I have been trying to soothe it some but...
[ There probably wasn't ought but to show him. So she goes to undo her coat, plucking at the buttons and shrug it off. Underneath is her fine dresses, as always, delicately dressed.
Which only framed it clearly. It was no delicate or polite love bite, because as it peels off - there too are the one's Anduin had left on her pale skin. A faded purple of fervant kisses on her skin.
No, it was a dog bite, sunk clean into her curve of neck and shoulders, both sides. No mistaking why she had winced, any time she went to move them, it pulled on the front puncture marks that had dug in. She had cleaned them, tried to make sure to dress them.
[ It's far worse than his own. Far, far worse, but he'd at least had the opportunity to seal the wound and numb the pain. It doesn't look as if Gilia's had much of a chance to do either.
Luckily he has a strong stomach for wounds. With a questioning lift of his hands before he lays them to her skin -- may I? -- he tests the area around the bite marks gingerly. ]
I see. Something similar happened to me, as well. It seemed to affect a number of people around the city...
[ He hesitates, gaze lifting, as he parses out the correct phrasing here. Careful not to overstep any boundaries. ]
If you'd like, I can ease the pain, but leave the mark. Or I can leave it be, if you would rather.
[ Well then. No need to delve into that particular topic.
Instead he closes his eyes again, and that glow returns, stronger than before. This time with the intent to mend, to gently pull skin together like the weaving of fabric, smoothing over the indentations in her fair skin.
The concentration requires him to be silent. Luckily enough. ]
[ She hisses softly, as it begins to heal. Shutting her eyes and knitting her brow as she makes sure to keep as still as is possible while he worked. That nervous little almost whimper she made at it, that she does her best to bite her lip and smother.
Honestly, she was a grown woman, she ought not to be bothered by these things. ]
[ When it's done, the mark is still there, but well on its way to healing and fading with time. Anduin lowers his hands, eyes opening to see her attempting to stifle a noise and...
Impulse takes him, and he reaches him to smooth her hair back and out of the way. ]
It should start to feel a little better, now. Physically, anyway. If there's anything else I can see to, you only have but to ask.
[ His brow furrows slightly. ]
And before you say so, no. It's not a bother or a trouble to me. This is what I do, and I'm happy to do so.
[ She does not stop him, not in the slightest, simply her eyes close and she sighs. Tilting her head up into his touch with gladness for it. It was soothing, distracting from the feeling of healing that way. Not bad just - strange. Different to the way that the saltwater stung-healed.
Still when he speaks again, they flutter open again with a sheepish smile. ]
I know what it is to want to be seen as capable, when many do not. My offer is not predicated on your need for my help, but my desire to. I hope you never feel any differently.
[ Her eyes. Light, but he could get lost in them. No influence of the city required. ]
I feel as if we know each other well, having only known each other as long as we have. As if we'd already known each other a lifetime now. Strange, isn't it?
[ He lets out a small laugh, his hands falling away. ]
I had meant to ask how you're getting on with your new Dominant. I feel living in the Up must be much more comfortable for you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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What is it that you feel will break you?
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What does not? If I began with it all, I fear it should pour out of me, and then what will I be?
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You can only be yourself. And you can only do as much as you can. We're mortal and fallible, despite ourselves. Would you think less of me if I spoke of such things to you?
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[ How readily she had poured it from her lips, into his. How gladly and achingly she held him. He is the type of ruler she knows her mother wished for in her daughter. It was not fair, and she hoped only to learn to be a better ruler near to him, so when she returned, she could make right the wrongs she had done for being so weak. ]
I do not have the words for it.. Perhaps that is the fault too. We are taught never to express anything, you see? No happiness, no sorrow. To be as a cliff. So now... I never learned. Perhaps that is the problem too, I never learned to do much of many things that are expected of me. Not here, not at home, not even as a child.
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[ And how overwhelming it had been. How certain he'd been that he would fail in all the ways that matter. He can see that same fear in her, of not measure up to the expectations thrust upon her, but the challenges here in the city are nowhere near what would have been expected at home.
Who would address a queen the way Tim Stoker had? ]
That isn't a failing. What we are now is not who we will always be. Life shapes us and changes us, and we learn and grow, even in the most difficult of situations. Simply because you do not know now all that you think you should doesn't mean you never will. And I expect we will learn things here that we might never have otherwise. There's no shame in that.
[ Expression earnest, he finally reaches for her, to clasp a hand gently against hers where it gripped her glass. ]
It's alright to be afraid, to be uncertain. What we must remember is that we are not alone. You are not alone.
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[ She stays fixed staring at Anduin's hand. It's safe, it is as he said, she is not alone. Jack promised that, Anduin promised that, Huaisang promised that. She was not alone, and they would forgive her, for her failings. Her mistakes as a woman and as a ruler. Perhaps if she did not look at them, if she focused on that point of contact, it would to be so much. She would not feel so loathsome. ]
I promise it is not that... that I think you... or that I am... [ Muddled. So hard to put together in a way that does not feel shameful. ] I am... forgive me, I am so unskilled at this. Speaking of myself.
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[ He is here. He is not going anywhere. ]
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She couldn't. The words would not come. Formed them, held them. She could just say it. Just one word. To say something, anything at all, to let it out of her chest. ]
I am... I am sorry, I cannot... It... it's too...
[ herself, these things she must keep as locked down as tightly as possible. Or nothing good would happen. Something terrible. Terrible as all the other choices in her life had been until she came to this place. ]
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I understand.
[ One day, perhaps. But in her own time. It wasn't something one could force if they weren't ready. ]
Would you accept a blessing, then? To help bolster your spirits.
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Of a lot more than this, granted. ]
Please, you are too kind.
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[ His hands lower, offered palms up, for her to rest her own against. Then his eyes close, and he calls the words from his heart as a solemn prayer. Safeguard her against her doubts and fears, allow her to feel certain and sure in this troubled city.
That glow encircles him briefly, before passing through his fingers and into her in a warm, comforting wash. ]
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Like he lingered on her, even after she was gone from his sight. That she perhaps, lingered with him too. ]
Thank you. It is more than you know, truly.
[ Her fingers are cool as ever, as she slides them against his palm. Trying not to think of the last time she was this close to him. He was behaving as the honourable man she knew him to be, and it would be to discredit him if she found herself lingering, on the shape of his mouth, and how it had felt, in those torrid hours, against hers.
That as the light touches her, she breathes a sigh of relief, it was wonderful. Everything about him always was, this least of all.
Her shoulders drop, rolling them as the knot that wound itself tightly come from.
At least, for a moment until the gesture pulled, and she hissed, her hand snapping up to her neck and shoulder. Gently pressing over it to ease the ache from the bite Dirk had left on her. ]
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But no. She's clutching at herself as if it's simply touched upon an already present hurt. Odd. It shouldn't have hurt her in that way, and his brow furrows slightly as his hands lower. ]
What is it?
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I had a run in with someone very dear to me but he was not.. himself. I am sure it will heal soon.
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If you would like me to heal it, I can. But I...I understand if you do not.
[ He bears his own mark, after all. One he could heal, but doesn't. Why goes beyond reason and sense, and so if she has her reasons he won't be the one to press for them. ]
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No it... Well I have been trying to soothe it some but...
[ There probably wasn't ought but to show him. So she goes to undo her coat, plucking at the buttons and shrug it off. Underneath is her fine dresses, as always, delicately dressed.
Which only framed it clearly. It was no delicate or polite love bite, because as it peels off - there too are the one's Anduin had left on her pale skin. A faded purple of fervant kisses on her skin.
No, it was a dog bite, sunk clean into her curve of neck and shoulders, both sides. No mistaking why she had winced, any time she went to move them, it pulled on the front puncture marks that had dug in. She had cleaned them, tried to make sure to dress them.
But it was an ugly thing. ]
His... His shadow got the better of him.
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Luckily he has a strong stomach for wounds. With a questioning lift of his hands before he lays them to her skin -- may I? -- he tests the area around the bite marks gingerly. ]
I see. Something similar happened to me, as well. It seemed to affect a number of people around the city...
[ He hesitates, gaze lifting, as he parses out the correct phrasing here. Careful not to overstep any boundaries. ]
If you'd like, I can ease the pain, but leave the mark. Or I can leave it be, if you would rather.
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She just stares at him confused, well and truly. ]
... Why would anyone want to keep such things...?
[ So that's a shake of her head, to that. ]
I think so... That they did... I do wonder why it did not affect me...
[ It had of course, just that she would never turn away a spirit and she had been lost in dancing for it to take her over to begin with. Then...
... Well her desires had been a different kind of demanding. ]
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[ Well then. No need to delve into that particular topic.
Instead he closes his eyes again, and that glow returns, stronger than before. This time with the intent to mend, to gently pull skin together like the weaving of fabric, smoothing over the indentations in her fair skin.
The concentration requires him to be silent. Luckily enough. ]
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Honestly, she was a grown woman, she ought not to be bothered by these things. ]
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Impulse takes him, and he reaches him to smooth her hair back and out of the way. ]
It should start to feel a little better, now. Physically, anyway. If there's anything else I can see to, you only have but to ask.
[ His brow furrows slightly. ]
And before you say so, no. It's not a bother or a trouble to me. This is what I do, and I'm happy to do so.
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Still when he speaks again, they flutter open again with a sheepish smile. ]
You know me too well, Anduin.
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[ Her eyes. Light, but he could get lost in them. No influence of the city required. ]
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How could I ever, with one such as you? To be felt and heard so clearly, when it seems I barely am to utter a word.
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[ He lets out a small laugh, his hands falling away. ]
I had meant to ask how you're getting on with your new Dominant. I feel living in the Up must be much more comfortable for you.
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