[Some part of him can guess, even without the visual cues from the king. After all, while he hadn't been in Anduin's shoes before ... he had certainly been in Hellboy's. That is a sobering thought on its own.
Thinking about it makes his spine crawl uncomfortably. Enough that he goes quiet to focus on staring at the board rather than making a move.]
Perhaps not.
[The difference was that he'd tried to make amends with Ramir after the fact -- to some small degree. But he quickly finds that he needs another distraction, and instead stands with the intent of going to pour more tea for himself, effectively pausing the game.]
[ He debates leaving it there for now. Then something in his jaw sets. He rises to his feet, trailing just behind and standing at the threshold of the kitchen while Wrathion retrieves the teapot. ]
Do you know how long it took before I could move on my own, after the bell?
[ It doesn't require an answer. The implication is enough. ]
Physically, what it took to recover after that night was a drop in the bucket, compared to the bell. I was pain, yes, but it wasn't anything I couldn't survive, and hadn't before.
[His tone is even, perhaps a bit too detached from the whole affair. This is messy. Engaging with this is messy. Technically, he'd only been there for one of those recoveries.
Pouring his tea gives him something to do, but it does not stop his mind from ticking. That is really the crux of it all, isn't it? The concern (if it could be called that, as Wrathion was still struggling to grapple with his own emotions at the same time) was no longer for Anduin's ability to physically withstand the challenges in front of him.
[The teapot settles back down and Wrathion turns to Anduin, looking less amused now that he's come for him so directly. But they're in the thick of this now, which means he continues to carefully school his expression.]
That is an interesting question to be asking me. How did you settle on 'fear', exactly?
I asked myself what's the thing you'd try the most to hide.
[ A weakness. Anduin sighs, before pressing in just a step closer. No further. No need to make him feel more cornered than he already likely does. ]
Not that you aren't forever trying to hide whatever it is you're actually feeling, and it's not as if I don't understand why. I do. But I'm not going to use this against you, or try hurt you with it. I just want to understand. Help me understand.
[Wrathion sips his tea in consideration, but does not withdraw from the conversation just yet. The gears are obviously turning. He hadn't prepared for such a direct conversion about his fears surrounding Anduin's relentless pursuit of self-destruction.
Maybe like, somethin adjacent to that. But not this.]
And what if I don't think you are ready to understand?
[As soon as it is out of his mouth, he sighs in disgust with himself. It isn't that he wants to talk about it -- but trying to avoid it this way just makes him sound like.
Well. A cultist.]
Nevermind. Just sit, and I will...attempt to explain.
[He had thought he might go back to the board and give him a bit of space -- but somehow, it is just like Anduin to immediately act at the slightest hint of acquiescence. So he shakes his head and creates the distance himself, retreating to the opposite wall in order to lean upon it.
Where does he begin, here? It has all become a complicated web stemming from one source -- so perhaps it is best to start with that.]
You are right. It is time we discussed what I have been doing for the past while. Before my time here.
[This is Anduin's last chance to opt out of that conversation while he is in recovery -- or for him to relocate.]
[ And as he might have expected, there's no sign of backing down. Anduin looks to him, expectantly, but with the patience he knows must be employed where Wrathion is concerned.
He'll say what he means to say, when he means to say it, and no more than that. So. At the very least, he has his undivided attention. ]
[Exactly as expected. But the time was more for Wrathion to tug out the information he'd been compartmentalizing in order to focus on delivering it in a way that answered Anduin's ultimate question.
Within reason.]
As you know, I've spent much of my time focusing my energy on how to deal with the problem of the Black Empire. Well, despite my predisposed and famed resilience -- I was noticed.
[He says this in a way that is resigned to how this is going to color the rest of the information he gives Anduin. But it should be given -- he knows, in his heart, that he's been avoiding this because it reveals too much about the pair of them.]
Since then, N'zoth has spent a great amount of his energy and forces upon me. I fear this is part of the reason he's turned his eyes upon Stormwind. Like it or not, you and I share...a history.
[That's a nice, sanitized way to put it.]
And you are rather unfortunately prone to self-sacrifice.
[ Why else risk coming to the heart of a kingdom so predisposed to hating his kind, who'd suffered so much at the hands of the black dragonflight? Why else risk the wrath of someone he knew he'd wronged so entirely?
It was in fact a tremendous risk he'd taken, all with the same cavalier attitude that he'd have expected from the Black Prince. But this throws all of that into context, doesn't it? ]
You knew his eyes would be upon me after...after what he saw in you.
[Wrathion does not bother to confirm or deny. Anduin is smart enough to figure it out, or he would not have voiced it. He's correct, of course -- and he is not excited to admit it openly. Examining all of this openly is more than enough reflection for him.]
I have seen...traces of similar forces at work here. I do not believe the two are related -- but that does not mean they cannot be wielded in the same way.
[He pauses for a sip of tea here.]
The Old Gods, and N'zoth in particular, grow in power as instability manifests around them. So you may perhaps understand why I have such little concern for your physical state. You are easily one of the best mortal healers I am acquainted with, after all.
[ His fingers shift, lightly gripping the edge of the counter, as he stares at Wrathion. Drinking his tea as though that would somehow temper the edge. ]
[Excuse you, he has zero feeling. He manages to keep the offense off of his face.]
It is not the feeling that is the issue. It is that you regulate it improperly. As if everyone else is somehow more important than you. That is the sort of attitude the Corruptor and others like him feast upon.
[His arms fold again, the cup of tea tucked under his arm.]
[Of course it would not be what he expected. Why would he expect it, when Wrathion took great pains to keep his orchestrated observations to himself until precisely the right moment?
He does not move off of his place upon the wall just yet.]
Go on, then. Do not leave me in suspense.
[He does not sound in suspense. He's picked up from the school of the Shado-Pan in regards to compartmentalization -- perhaps a bit too well.]
I just...I would have thought you'd have already figured this place out, by now.
[ Another step closer, like a piece moving across the board of their game. ]
This place wants to break us down. These games of theirs, they're meant to study us. To push at our insecurities, our weaknesses, our greatest fears. Bringing us face to face with our shadows and watch us struggle in the face of them.
[ Another step closer, his hands clasped quietly in front of him. ]
Feeling isn't going to be the thing that dooms us. They're going to target us all, regardless. And the people with the most to hide will be the ones to suffer the most.
[ He hesitates, just for a moment. ]
I'm not the one most at risk, here. Even at home, even if they were targeting me, it wasn't really me they were after, was it?
[Wrathion stays perfectly still against the wall, save for the subtle shifting of the cup in his hand. He does, of course, know all of this. In giving the information in the first place, he had perhaps confessed some of that knowledge without explicitly saying so.
No one in the city has more exposure to him than Anduin. Getting to Anduin is the first logical step in getting to Wrathion. It is not a difficult leap to make, for anyone who has discovered they are connected in any way.]
The King of Stormwind would have been a nice consolation prize.
[But no, of course N'zoth was not after Anduin. He was after the Black Prince.]
[ It takes a moment, before the realization slots into place. Before his eyes widen ever so slightly. ]
...but N'zoth knew the way to get to you was to threaten me.
[ Suddenly the reason Wrathion was so angered by his own disregard for his own life makes so much more sense. Unknowingly, he'd been flirting with pressing that very large, obvious red button that he somehow hadn't noticed before now. And as a dragon with more self-preservation instinct than most, Wrathion would of course want to safeguard and defend any weakness he had while vehemently denying he had one at all.
But that's not true at all, is it? I'm his weakness.
He's not sure what to do as the weight of that realization starts to settle in, not right away. Anduin stands frozen for a moment, his grip on his own hands tightening. ]
[When Wrathion spots the recognition in Anduin's eyes, he finally unfolds to drink his tea. The smile that crosses his face does not reach his eyes.]
Wouldn't that be something?
[And the city had made it so that they could, in theory, regulate the amount of prolonged contact he had with Anduin thanks to the rules regarding Dominant relations. Small bits of control taken from him, in a way he had no easy path to combat.
He won't confirm it openly -- he does not need to. Anduin had asked, after all, and Wrathion had killed two birds with one stone.
With that, he turns, intent on returning to the game to distract from the awkward revelation. It had been his move -- so he must reacquaint himself with the board.]
[ It's that movement that spurs his own. Wrathion turns, and Anduin's hand reaches out, clasping hold of his wrist before he can think about it.
There's a great deal churning through his mind at the moment, but what comes out is: ]
I'm sorry. I didn't...I was being thoughtless, and I didn't realize.
[ And contrary to what might have been expected of him, given the way he'd greeted Wrathion's return back in the keep, hurting the dragon is the last thing he wants to do. ]
[He freezes, not because he is surprised, but because an instinct to dislodge himself swiftly arises quickly enough that he needs to put energy into ... not doing that. Wrathion half turns, looking over his shoulder at the other man with the same unreadable expression on his face.
He doesn't really want to unpack this. But now that it is out in the open, is there any real avoiding it?]
You do not need to do that.
[Apologize. That wasn't the point of him telling the truth, even if he had danced around it for a bit and left the king to come to the conclusion on his own.
That would imply that he was hurt somehow. And that would be ridiculous because feelings are fake.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Thinking about it makes his spine crawl uncomfortably. Enough that he goes quiet to focus on staring at the board rather than making a move.]
Perhaps not.
[The difference was that he'd tried to make amends with Ramir after the fact -- to some small degree. But he quickly finds that he needs another distraction, and instead stands with the intent of going to pour more tea for himself, effectively pausing the game.]
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Do you know how long it took before I could move on my own, after the bell?
[ It doesn't require an answer. The implication is enough. ]
Physically, what it took to recover after that night was a drop in the bucket, compared to the bell. I was pain, yes, but it wasn't anything I couldn't survive, and hadn't before.
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[His tone is even, perhaps a bit too detached from the whole affair. This is messy. Engaging with this is messy. Technically, he'd only been there for one of those recoveries.
Pouring his tea gives him something to do, but it does not stop his mind from ticking. That is really the crux of it all, isn't it? The concern (if it could be called that, as Wrathion was still struggling to grapple with his own emotions at the same time) was no longer for Anduin's ability to physically withstand the challenges in front of him.
But the rest...]
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[ A hand goes to the counter as he watches the tea pour, before his eyes lift to Wrathion's face in profile, as unreadable as ever. ]
What are you so afraid of?
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That is an interesting question to be asking me. How did you settle on 'fear', exactly?
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[ A weakness. Anduin sighs, before pressing in just a step closer. No further. No need to make him feel more cornered than he already likely does. ]
Not that you aren't forever trying to hide whatever it is you're actually feeling, and it's not as if I don't understand why. I do. But I'm not going to use this against you, or try hurt you with it. I just want to understand. Help me understand.
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Maybe like, somethin adjacent to that. But not this.]
And what if I don't think you are ready to understand?
[As soon as it is out of his mouth, he sighs in disgust with himself. It isn't that he wants to talk about it -- but trying to avoid it this way just makes him sound like.
Well. A cultist.]
Nevermind. Just sit, and I will...attempt to explain.
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So, he hops up onto the counter, hands folded between his knees as he watches the dragon hopefully, waiting for whatever came next.
Regardless of what it is? He's listening. ]
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Where does he begin, here? It has all become a complicated web stemming from one source -- so perhaps it is best to start with that.]
You are right. It is time we discussed what I have been doing for the past while. Before my time here.
[This is Anduin's last chance to opt out of that conversation while he is in recovery -- or for him to relocate.]
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He'll say what he means to say, when he means to say it, and no more than that. So. At the very least, he has his undivided attention. ]
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Within reason.]
As you know, I've spent much of my time focusing my energy on how to deal with the problem of the Black Empire. Well, despite my predisposed and famed resilience -- I was noticed.
[He says this in a way that is resigned to how this is going to color the rest of the information he gives Anduin. But it should be given -- he knows, in his heart, that he's been avoiding this because it reveals too much about the pair of them.]
Since then, N'zoth has spent a great amount of his energy and forces upon me. I fear this is part of the reason he's turned his eyes upon Stormwind. Like it or not, you and I share...a history.
[That's a nice, sanitized way to put it.]
And you are rather unfortunately prone to self-sacrifice.
[As recently demonstrated.]
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[ Why else risk coming to the heart of a kingdom so predisposed to hating his kind, who'd suffered so much at the hands of the black dragonflight? Why else risk the wrath of someone he knew he'd wronged so entirely?
It was in fact a tremendous risk he'd taken, all with the same cavalier attitude that he'd have expected from the Black Prince. But this throws all of that into context, doesn't it? ]
You knew his eyes would be upon me after...after what he saw in you.
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I have seen...traces of similar forces at work here. I do not believe the two are related -- but that does not mean they cannot be wielded in the same way.
[He pauses for a sip of tea here.]
The Old Gods, and N'zoth in particular, grow in power as instability manifests around them. So you may perhaps understand why I have such little concern for your physical state. You are easily one of the best mortal healers I am acquainted with, after all.
[But the rest...well.]
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[ His fingers shift, lightly gripping the edge of the counter, as he stares at Wrathion. Drinking his tea as though that would somehow temper the edge. ]
Whatever comes, I can bear it.
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[Wrathion points directly at Anduin in accusation, as if he's just made his point for him.]
You feel. Immensely. It is part of who you are.
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[ If anything he looks more confused than ever. ]
You say that as thought it's an option. I can't help feeling any more than you can.
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It is not the feeling that is the issue. It is that you regulate it improperly. As if everyone else is somehow more important than you. That is the sort of attitude the Corruptor and others like him feast upon.
[His arms fold again, the cup of tea tucked under his arm.]
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[ After a moment's thought, he moves forward, slipping down off of the counter and to his feet. ]
I'm not sure that's what I was expecting.
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[Of course it would not be what he expected. Why would he expect it, when Wrathion took great pains to keep his orchestrated observations to himself until precisely the right moment?
He does not move off of his place upon the wall just yet.]
Go on, then. Do not leave me in suspense.
[He does not sound in suspense. He's picked up from the school of the Shado-Pan in regards to compartmentalization -- perhaps a bit too well.]
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[ Another step closer, like a piece moving across the board of their game. ]
This place wants to break us down. These games of theirs, they're meant to study us. To push at our insecurities, our weaknesses, our greatest fears. Bringing us face to face with our shadows and watch us struggle in the face of them.
[ Another step closer, his hands clasped quietly in front of him. ]
Feeling isn't going to be the thing that dooms us. They're going to target us all, regardless. And the people with the most to hide will be the ones to suffer the most.
[ He hesitates, just for a moment. ]
I'm not the one most at risk, here. Even at home, even if they were targeting me, it wasn't really me they were after, was it?
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No one in the city has more exposure to him than Anduin. Getting to Anduin is the first logical step in getting to Wrathion. It is not a difficult leap to make, for anyone who has discovered they are connected in any way.]
The King of Stormwind would have been a nice consolation prize.
[But no, of course N'zoth was not after Anduin. He was after the Black Prince.]
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...but N'zoth knew the way to get to you was to threaten me.
[ Suddenly the reason Wrathion was so angered by his own disregard for his own life makes so much more sense. Unknowingly, he'd been flirting with pressing that very large, obvious red button that he somehow hadn't noticed before now. And as a dragon with more self-preservation instinct than most, Wrathion would of course want to safeguard and defend any weakness he had while vehemently denying he had one at all.
But that's not true at all, is it? I'm his weakness.
He's not sure what to do as the weight of that realization starts to settle in, not right away. Anduin stands frozen for a moment, his grip on his own hands tightening. ]
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Wouldn't that be something?
[And the city had made it so that they could, in theory, regulate the amount of prolonged contact he had with Anduin thanks to the rules regarding Dominant relations. Small bits of control taken from him, in a way he had no easy path to combat.
He won't confirm it openly -- he does not need to. Anduin had asked, after all, and Wrathion had killed two birds with one stone.
With that, he turns, intent on returning to the game to distract from the awkward revelation. It had been his move -- so he must reacquaint himself with the board.]
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There's a great deal churning through his mind at the moment, but what comes out is: ]
I'm sorry. I didn't...I was being thoughtless, and I didn't realize.
[ And contrary to what might have been expected of him, given the way he'd greeted Wrathion's return back in the keep, hurting the dragon is the last thing he wants to do. ]
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He doesn't really want to unpack this. But now that it is out in the open, is there any real avoiding it?]
You do not need to do that.
[Apologize. That wasn't the point of him telling the truth, even if he had danced around it for a bit and left the king to come to the conclusion on his own.
That would imply that he was hurt somehow. And that would be ridiculous because feelings are fake.]
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