Understand that for either of us, getting married at home would have been a matter of state and politics. Very lavish, very expensive, and very public.
The idea of simply agreeing to keep those vows and keeping it a matter just between us? I think we were both more than a little thrilled.
I don't know. Never really saw myself as the type to get married after losing Danny and learning about what is going to happen when I get home. Plus, no offence, but in this city that often forces people into sexual encounters? I wasn't so sure getting married here was a good idea.
But, Sasha and I have been talking about it lately. We won't exactly get a chance to be together if we're sent home. This city is our best chance together so maybe it's not such a bad idea.
I still don't really know how I feel about it. I love her. I want to spend every day with her, but marriage? I don't know. It's such a big commitment and I'm not exactly the best at sticking to commitments.
But you'd want to consider it, for her. I think that says a great deal.
For what it's worth, I do understand. Gilia and I felt the same way. What happiness we have here is only what we decide to reach out and take for ourselves.
Sometimes it's alright to want things selfishly. Though it took a long time to come to terms with that.
I'm worried that I can't. Like with my promiscuity. I make it no secret that I greatly enjoy sex and she is aware of this.
I've offered several times to stop. That she is enough for me if that if it would make her feel better I'd stop instantly, but she tells me no. That she wants me to enjoy fooling around still and that she'd feel guilty if I stop. But, then things like those lists go out and I can tell seeing it makes her unhappy. How much worse would she have felt if we were married instead of just dating? [He forgets that Anduin was asleep with the partner list leak happened.]
That aside, the biggest part of our marriage has been trust. Honesty. We know how the city is, that it's inevitable that we'll end up with other people at some time or another. But she knows her place in my life, and I know mine in hers.
Nothing can take the place of that, so it doesn't matter what else might happen. As long as we honor that, and if something does bother us? We talk about it. Even when we'd rather make peace, instead.
[ Something they were both guilty of, by nature. ]
That's right, you missed that. Someone posted the lists of everyone we've ever slept with out onto the network for all the see. Although I've always told Sasha who my partners are and when I'm going to be out late; I think seeing them all listed like that was still a shock to her.
How can I be a good husband when I make her feel like she's not enough? Or make her feel guilty if my list wasn't as long as it was?
[ Oh no. Yeah, just. Going to let that settle like ice to the bottom of his stomach. ]
Have you tried asking her that? I'm sure she'd have some answers for you.
This is what I mean. Even when the questions are hard or uncomfortable, it's important to ask them. You're sharing a life with someone, flaws and all. As much as you share the happy times, I'm sure she'd want to share your troubles, and help you through them.
I think so? I didn't exactly go through all of them, but there were a LOT some people might have gotten missed. Actually, I saw you on a couple lists, but I don't think I saw a list for you.
And that's the thing. I have asked her. I just don't think I'm getting an honest answer, but wouldn't it be wrong of me to not believe the answer she gives me?
[ Perhaps he was missed because he was away? He'll take what blessings he's allowed, in any case. ]
I think we have a habit of tellings little lies, where the ones we love are concerned. Not out of malice, but out of concern. Wanting to protect them from our worst selves.
But for marriage to truly take root, those must be swept aside. Talk to her, bare your heart. Tell her your worries. Make it known that you want to be able to take her utterly at her word, and if there are concerns no matter how small? You want to make things better. And most importantly? Let her do the same for you.
Prove to yourself that you want to commit to this, and that you're willing to do what it takes to make it work.
[Reading Anduin's responses has Tim smiling softly. He knew he was the right man to speak with.]
Thanks. I'll keep that in mind and will probably have another talk with her soon.
By the way, does your culture have any fun traditions when it comes to a proposal? Or was it mostly a dull political exchange? [He understood that Anduin is from a world of kings where marriage was more business then love, but that didn't mean some fun couldn't be had.]
Edited (Always find the typo after hitting enter ) 2022-03-02 22:29 (UTC)
I imagine for others it would have been a slightly more romantic affair. I'm afraid I don't really know much about it personally, outside of what I was able to read in books or see in other people.
Although now that I think on it, there is one courtship I've been able to witness recently. From home, I mean.
My spymaster, back in Stormwind. I saw him fall in love with a dashing ex-pirate, like something out of one of those terrible books Gilia likes so much.
So I sent them on a 'reconnaissance' mission. An extended one. With the understanding that they could take all the time they needed and travel wherever they felt appropriate.
That wasn't so bad. I have to admit I was worried you were going to tell me a story about how one was rejected or something like that. I like the answer much better than what I was thinking.
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The idea of simply agreeing to keep those vows and keeping it a matter just between us? I think we were both more than a little thrilled.
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Another question then. You are a priest, right? Have you married anyone in this city before? Is that something priests do where you're from?
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Are you thinking of asking someone?
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But, Sasha and I have been talking about it lately. We won't exactly get a chance to be together if we're sent home. This city is our best chance together so maybe it's not such a bad idea.
I still don't really know how I feel about it. I love her. I want to spend every day with her, but marriage? I don't know. It's such a big commitment and I'm not exactly the best at sticking to commitments.
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For what it's worth, I do understand. Gilia and I felt the same way. What happiness we have here is only what we decide to reach out and take for ourselves.
Sometimes it's alright to want things selfishly. Though it took a long time to come to terms with that.
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It's the commitment part that frightens me.
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I've offered several times to stop. That she is enough for me if that if it would make her feel better I'd stop instantly, but she tells me no. That she wants me to enjoy fooling around still and that she'd feel guilty if I stop. But, then things like those lists go out and I can tell seeing it makes her unhappy. How much worse would she have felt if we were married instead of just dating? [He forgets that Anduin was asleep with the partner list leak happened.]
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That aside, the biggest part of our marriage has been trust. Honesty. We know how the city is, that it's inevitable that we'll end up with other people at some time or another. But she knows her place in my life, and I know mine in hers.
Nothing can take the place of that, so it doesn't matter what else might happen. As long as we honor that, and if something does bother us? We talk about it. Even when we'd rather make peace, instead.
[ Something they were both guilty of, by nature. ]
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How can I be a good husband when I make her feel like she's not enough? Or make her feel guilty if my list wasn't as long as it was?
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[ Oh no. Yeah, just. Going to let that settle like ice to the bottom of his stomach. ]
Have you tried asking her that? I'm sure she'd have some answers for you.
This is what I mean. Even when the questions are hard or uncomfortable, it's important to ask them. You're sharing a life with someone, flaws and all. As much as you share the happy times, I'm sure she'd want to share your troubles, and help you through them.
Just as you'd want to do with her.
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And that's the thing. I have asked her. I just don't think I'm getting an honest answer, but wouldn't it be wrong of me to not believe the answer she gives me?
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[ Perhaps he was missed because he was away? He'll take what blessings he's allowed, in any case. ]
I think we have a habit of tellings little lies, where the ones we love are concerned. Not out of malice, but out of concern. Wanting to protect them from our worst selves.
But for marriage to truly take root, those must be swept aside. Talk to her, bare your heart. Tell her your worries. Make it known that you want to be able to take her utterly at her word, and if there are concerns no matter how small? You want to make things better. And most importantly? Let her do the same for you.
Prove to yourself that you want to commit to this, and that you're willing to do what it takes to make it work.
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Thanks. I'll keep that in mind and will probably have another talk with her soon.
By the way, does your culture have any fun traditions when it comes to a proposal? Or was it mostly a dull political exchange? [He understood that Anduin is from a world of kings where marriage was more business then love, but that didn't mean some fun couldn't be had.]
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Although now that I think on it, there is one courtship I've been able to witness recently. From home, I mean.
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So I sent them on a 'reconnaissance' mission. An extended one. With the understanding that they could take all the time they needed and travel wherever they felt appropriate.
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So, I suppose the answer would be taking some time for the two of you. Doing something you both love.
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