[He studied Anduin's face a moment, the strain, there...the unspoken shadow in his eyes. Something far too familiar, like that day he'd taken Anduin home with him.]
You fear what might come about in you because of it.
[What lengths maybe be reached when desperation and power and opportunity mixed and 'Maker, you're the only one who can do anything, no one is listening, no one is left-]
[ Silence follows. It isn't a question, after all. It's the quiet contemplation of where this path might lead, if he allows it.
But he can't allow it to. He can't let himself go down that path, even with the best of intentions. It's too easy to slip, to go further than he means, to start excusing more and more in the pursuit of what is just and right, and his history -- and likely Anders' as well -- is littered with examples of what happens then.
Anduin lets out a breath, eyes sliding shut for a brief moment. ]
It was not my intent to trouble you with this. I know what has to be done. The Light will not lead me astray.
[ He needs to...to pray. Perhaps that will help. ]
[No. No that is too familiar and he can't sit there and watch it.
He stands and moves to the other side of the desk to put his hands on Anduin's shoulders and regain his attention. He holds the gaze when he has the younger man's eyes matched to his.]
Please...for the love of the Maker-the Light- whichever...don't tell yourself your troubles are too much or not meant to be shared and certainly don't think I am not willing to share them.
I understand...and in the past, when I thought myself without anyone else to turn to, that was when I made my gravest mistakes...my gravest decisions. You are your own person and likely a better one, if I am entirely honest, but as long as I am here with you, you won't be alone in your corner. Don't....don't let the darker parts of you tell you otherwise.
[ It takes perhaps a moment longer than it should before his eyes lift to meet Anders'. He'd been advised before that his eyes could be too honest, and he's not sure Anders needs to see the anger and frustration roiling behind them in the moment.
But meet his gaze he does. And in the other's eyes he can see that deep well of concern, of regret, and it washes through him in a cool wave, a panacea all its own. Swallowing, Anduin nods and lifts a hand, gripping Anders' where it lay against his shoulder.
I'll be fine lingers on his tongue, but doesn't quite make it out. He's certain Anders wouldn't accept that as an answer anyway. ]
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no subject
You fear what might come about in you because of it.
[What lengths maybe be reached when desperation and power and opportunity mixed and 'Maker, you're the only one who can do anything, no one is listening, no one is left-]
You fear what you may become.
[And where it would leave him after.]
no subject
But he can't allow it to. He can't let himself go down that path, even with the best of intentions. It's too easy to slip, to go further than he means, to start excusing more and more in the pursuit of what is just and right, and his history -- and likely Anders' as well -- is littered with examples of what happens then.
Anduin lets out a breath, eyes sliding shut for a brief moment. ]
It was not my intent to trouble you with this. I know what has to be done. The Light will not lead me astray.
[ He needs to...to pray. Perhaps that will help. ]
no subject
He stands and moves to the other side of the desk to put his hands on Anduin's shoulders and regain his attention. He holds the gaze when he has the younger man's eyes matched to his.]
Please...for the love of the Maker-the Light- whichever...don't tell yourself your troubles are too much or not meant to be shared and certainly don't think I am not willing to share them.
I understand...and in the past, when I thought myself without anyone else to turn to, that was when I made my gravest mistakes...my gravest decisions. You are your own person and likely a better one, if I am entirely honest, but as long as I am here with you, you won't be alone in your corner. Don't....don't let the darker parts of you tell you otherwise.
no subject
But meet his gaze he does. And in the other's eyes he can see that deep well of concern, of regret, and it washes through him in a cool wave, a panacea all its own. Swallowing, Anduin nods and lifts a hand, gripping Anders' where it lay against his shoulder.
I'll be fine lingers on his tongue, but doesn't quite make it out. He's certain Anders wouldn't accept that as an answer anyway. ]